Wednesday, 10 August 2011


Politicians and diapers have two things in common: they need to be changed frequently and for the same reason. Kenyan politicians however beat used diapers hands down. Right now for example, they are busy preparing for the 2012 race while most Kenyans are languishing in starvation and abject poverty. Kenyans have suffered under their leadership for long.

One young man Mike Mbuvi the Sonko stands out as a ‘man of the people’. His flamboyance and antics never go unnoticed as he goes on with his day to day business. In relation to this, I foresee the following in case he ever runs for president and wins: The swearing in would be in sheng’. This would stand as a sign of his allegiance to the younger generations. The term ‘His Excellency’ would be ditched for a more youth-like title. I suggest ‘His flamboyance’ or perhaps something more hoodlum like ‘His firstbodi’.

Charity begins at home and the new president would have to change a few house affairs. The white house would be renamed ‘Keja ya White’. After moving in, His firstbodi would throw frequent parties and give free unga and other handouts to the masses as a signifying solidarity with his electorate. The current presidential limo would be replaced with a ride that can roll on 34” of chrome. Perhaps a stretch H3 Hummer would suffice for His firstbodi and entourage.

Parliament would be more interesting. Young iced up policy makers would bring the chill in the August house making it impossible to sleep. Members would have to pass the ‘Sheng’ Act’. Article 1 of the act would declare sheng’ the third official language in the country. Article 6 would replace the legislators ‘Aye’ with ‘Wazi joh!’ and ‘Nay’ with ‘Zii’. The newly appointed speaker would swap the old woolen rug on his head with a white doo-rag and an occasional baseball cap worn in reverse. To top it all off, the national band would play Abass’ Chapaa after a good budget is read. The minister for finance would lead the house in cranking up and 'celebrating' the newly imposed heavier taxes they would later steal.

The presidential guard of honor and national festivities would be something else. The usual march would be upgraded with a swaggnificent lean in every left stride. During inspection, they would play His firstbodi’s own remix of Prezzo by CMB Prezzo. After an inspiring speech on how the government will cushion the mwananchi from the ever rising cost of living he would make it rain Sonko style. Every time he would fly out for government business and came back, the band would be ready to welcome him with Jaguar’s Navuka Border at JKIA.

Moral of the story; 2012 is drawing near. The political scene is wanting right now. Kenyans should be more vigilant and look for promising leadership instead of swaying to empty talk. However after such a long era of political ping pong sometimes I feel we could do with an entertainment break such as this one don’t you think?

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