Monday, 21 November 2011

BIZARRE THOUGHTS FROM A MAN'S HEART

It is said that men and women will never get along. Maybe it is because we all want different things. Men definately want women; but what women want, that is hard to tell. However, one thing that all normal men and women should agree on is that some chauvinistic jokes can be funny. I stumbled upon a few gags which I think you would want to check out:

Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the complements and the flowers
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity
When we die, our widows get the life insurance
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2
The average man’s life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going
Forty years of having his wife ask him the same question
And at the end, mourners wondering too where he is going

Thought 3
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give her away to the groom. Once they reached the alter, the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand as the groom waited. Everyone in the room was wondering what the bride had given her father.

The father could feel the cloud of curiosity in the air as all eyes were on him; prodding him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, today is the luckiest day of my life…’ He then went on to raise his hand and that of his daughter and continued, ‘My daughter finally…, finallyyy returned my credit card to me!’

The whole audience, the priest inclusive, burst into hysterical bouts of laughter: all save for the poor groom!

Thought 4
A man was walking down the street when he heard a voice from behind, ’if you take another step, a brick will fall on your head and kill you.’ So he stopped and the brick fell right in front of him. The man was astounded. He went on and after a while he was about to cross the road when the same voice shouted, ‘Stop! Stand still! If you take another step a car will run you over and you will die.’

So the man stopped and a car came careening around the corner barely missing him. Overwhelmed with curiosity, the man asked, ‘who are you?’ ‘I am your guardian angel’, the voice replied.

‘Oh yeah?’ said the man, ‘and where the hell were you when I got married?'

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