Monday, 23 April 2012

OF SEX… AND ITS BATTLES

I think cartoons depict our sickest thoughts: the kind we'd get crucified for if we ever thought out loud. And what’s on our gallery today? She wouldn’t kiss him if she was under anesthesia. Ouch! If a lady ever told any guy that, my guess is she may be having issues, is downright jealous, or the guy is a 'Voldemort'. The last is the worst case scenario. To deal with that, one may need a team of surgeons, a good anesthetist, a psychiatrist and a masseur for their injured ego. *A cheaper alternative would be an appointment with a mortician*

In retrospect to other gender based scripts, I choose to start this by referring to the good book. Just so you know good people, I regard the writings therein as sometimes metaphorical. Let me explain. Adam came first, then Eve was created from his rib. The act of fashioning someone from a rib is not quite feasible. Unless of course one day your sleepy son came to you with a rib ache, and you affirmed his suspicion that it means he is about to have a wife. The good book claims that Eve was the weaker one. The snake therefore tempted her with an apple and she fell for it. So the question lingers: of either sexes, which is fairer?

I must say that the X chromosome is pivotal for the propagation of life while the Y chromosome is abberant. In fact, according to the shrinking theory, the Y chromosome may completely lose function in the next ten million years! *I suppose our gene pool could use a little chlorine?* Life starts with ova and sperms- a pair of them. Both are geared up for the run of their lives when copulation is at hand. The male sperm is the faster runner. It is an epic journey equivalent to a hundred meters' sprint. The distance in real life parameters however stretches from the horn of Africa to some slave town in Guinea Bissau. And the male sperm usually gets there first, but because the Y chromosome is weaker, it's less viable. That’s one for the XX and nil for the XY.

Birth and survival is next. The ratio of male to female births is almost equal. Females are on the higher side. More birth complications are however associated with the males than the females. Male neonates are more predisposed to complications such as respiratory distress than their female equivalents. Other neonatal infections are also likely to affect males more than females. It’s like the world doesn’t want them here or something *whatever they did!?*.

Later in life, the females always seem to thrive better than us. This is due to three major factors. Survival for males is not guaranteed. Competition is mandatory. Secondly, females have to distribute their attention to a myriad other things they ought to care for (males included). Lastly, menses: that time of the month when everything else slows down for the woman so that nature can take its course. Some in fact use it to wreck havoc on the universe; ranging from a few tantrums here and there to catastrophes of tsunami-esque proportions. I give one for the XY here for their ability to deal with such despite their dwindling numbers *vuvuzela*.

On a scale of one to... say, Kelly Rowland, most men rank high up on motivation for their activities. This makes them prone to illness and injury. The number of beds occupied by male patients is always way more than females. This makes me wonder what pick-up line the snake used on Eve: An apple a day keeps the doctor away perhaps? I wouldn’t know. Whatever the case, Eve still ate the damn fruit and we are all screwed!

The most intriguing detail is how women get men to do anything for them. Men vehemently refuse to admit it but that’s the truth. You can even ask Akuku Danger *if you have access to Hades*. My assumption is if it were a world with men only, nothing would ever get done. That’s one more for the XX. Ergo, the person who said ‘it’s a man’s world’ must have been a chauvinist, an alien or a Neanderthal Homo habilis. I think the last one is more likely.

It is said that women are crazy and men are stupid: that women are crazy because men are stupid. However true this is, I'm yet to fathom. The battle of the sexes never wanes. We all want different things; women want men and men want women. Still, me thinks whatever broth we keep brewing in the pot of gender tastes more like fun. Don't you agree?

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